Today, dating typically starts with outer attributes. Is that person pleasant looking, sexually attractive, doing well, or well-connected? If yes, the next steps are dating, and then caressing and sex. If that works out fine, then both parties might consider commitment.
 
But sex is a powerful force. It can muddle up our thinking. Relationships should start from friendship to see if both sides can understand, accept, appreciate, and work with each other, preferably towards common goals. Then they move on to deeper friendship, romance, and commitment, before going to sex.
 
Fulfillment in sex comes from deep physical intimacy and full commitment from both sides. So, sex and marriage should be tied.
 
Masturbation focuses on just giving ourselves satisfaction. After reaching climax, one can feel emptier and lonelier. Also, masturbation depends on fantasy and is addictive. Don’t let it control you.
 
Don’t try to know everything about the other person before committing. We are imperfect. Your relationship with your spouse depends on God, and your intent to honor Him and to honor your commitment. Also, God continues to work on us. So, don’t be too cautious. After we have spent some time with a person and we really like that person, we should trust God and commit.
 
What if we are constantly being rejected in dating? Try to identify the reasons. Ask your close friends for suggestions. Then move on and seek out other opportunities.
 
Some want to remain single. That can be a good choice. Paul recommended being single (1 Corinthians 7:1-7), and Christ was single on earth. Though God said it was good for Adam to have Eve (Genesis 2), happy marriage is difficult to have because we are imperfect. A spouse can reprogram your self-image, which could inflict damage on you.
 
So, don’t be fixated on getting married or being single. Some idolize being single because they value independence. Others treat being single as a plague. Avoid both.
 
For some, being single comes easily. That is a gift. But for most, it is better to be married.
 
Ask God for guidance, and thank God for the outcome, whether you are single or married.
 
Summarized from a Tim Keller sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource
 

 
关于约会，单身和手淫
 
如今，约会通常是从表面要求开始，比如美貌、魅力、事业或人脉。倘若满足要求，进一步的步骤便是先见见面，吃一顿饭。若是两方合得来，接着便是肌肤之亲。倘若发展得还可以的话，双方才可能思考是否许诺男女朋友关系。
 
性是一个强大的力量，可以使人的思想糊涂。关系应当从友谊开始，看是否能了解、接受、欣赏和迁就对方，更理想的就是有共同的目标，然后才发展更深厚的友谊、恋爱和承诺。性爱应该是在这之后才发生。
 
满足的性生活来自深情的身体亲密接触和双方全心全意的投入，因此性与婚姻应该联系在一起。
 
手淫只是给个人带来满足，达到高潮后您可能会感到更加空虚和孤独。手淫也依赖幻想并且容易上瘾，不要被它控制。
 
在彼此承诺之前，有些人想先了解对方的一切。需知人都是不完美的，配偶之间的关系依耐于上帝以及我们荣耀上帝并履行承诺的意愿，上帝也继续在我们身上工作。所以不要太谨慎，认识了一段时间之后如果真的很喜欢那个人，就应相信上帝并彼此承诺。
 
如果不断遭到拒绝，需要尝试找出原因。可向您的密友寻求建议，然后再接再厉，寻找其它机会。
 
有些人想保持单身，可能是一个好的选择。保罗建议单身（哥林多前书7：1-7），而且基督在世上也是单身的。尽管上帝说亚当有夏娃是一件好事（创世记2），但因为我们的不完美，所以幸福的婚姻很难拥有。配偶可能会重新改变你的自我形象，这或许会带给您损害。
 
因此，不要着迷于结婚或单身的身份。有些人因为重视独立，把单身偶像化。有些人却将单身视为瘟疫。应当避免这两种极端。
 
对于某些人来说单身是很容易的，这也是神的礼物。但对大多数人来说，结婚会是更好的选择。
 
当求上帝的引导。 无论结果是单身或结婚都应感谢上帝。

Traditional culture discourages being single, but we are imperfect. How can imperfect couples live happily ever after? Couples need to give up their independence and work together to resolve many conflicts. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 even describes sex as being controlled by one’s spouse. So, it is understandable that many are cynical towards marriage and glorify independence.
 
But remember that God did not just create Adam. God created Adam and Eve to be together.
 
Having said that, for Christians, it is also fine to be single. Paul even suggested not looking for a wife in 1 Corinthians 7:27-28. In other words, don’t be too eager to get married.
 
A few other issues.
 
Our culture puts too much emphasis on sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 describe a list of bad characters. They include the sexually immoral, thieves, drunkards, slanderers, and swindlers. Both greed and sexual immorality are on the list. If we define greed as an intense selfish desire for wealth, power or food, then both greed and sexual immorality focus on selfish needs. But our culture treats the sexually immoral much worse than the greedy.
 
How do we control our appetites? Learn from those who diet. They bear hunger for something desirable, such as health. Similarly, we should abstain from frivolous sex for something desirable, such as more fulfilling sex, a happier spouse, or a better relationship with God.
 
For those who could not forgive themselves for their past sexual mistakes, remember that we are imperfect. We constantly love something else more than God, committing adultery against Him. But the blood of Christ has cleansed us. Christ has forgiven us, like He had forgiven the adulterer in John 8:8-11. So, forgive our past mistakes and leave our former life of sin.
 
Focus on God. Only God can truly satisfy us.
 
Summarized from a Tim Keller’s sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource

 

婚姻，单身和性
 
传统文化不鼓励单身，但是我们并不完美。不完美的夫妻怎能过上快乐幸福的生活？夫妻需要放弃独立，共同解决许多冲突 。哥林多前书7：3-4甚至描述性爱是由配偶支配的。因此，可以理解许多人赞美独立并且对婚姻抱有嘲讽的态度。
 
但请记住上帝不仅创造了亚当，祂还创造了夏娃和亚当在一起。
 
话虽如此，对于基督徒而言单身也是好的。 保罗甚至在哥林多前书7：27-28建议不要尋求配偶。换一种说法，不​​要太渴望结婚。
 
还有其它一些问题。
 
我们的文化过分强调性不道德。哥林多前书6：9-11描述了一列不良性格之人的清单, 包括性不道德的人、偷盗的人、贪婪的人、醉酒的人，诽谤的人和欺骗的人。在这名单里贪婪和性不道德都榜上有名。如果将贪婪的定义为对财富、权力或食物有强烈的自私欲望，那么贪婪和性不道德都专注于自私的需求。但是我们的文化对待性不道德的人远比贪婪的人更糟。
 
缺乏性控制力的人可以向那些节食的人学习。他们忍受饥饿，更渴望某些令人爱慕的东西， 例如健康的身体。同样，性欲控制也可以为了拥有更值得的东西，例如更充实的性生活、更快乐的配偶或者更好地跟随神。
 
如果你无法原谅过去犯的性错误，请记住人都是不完美的。我们经常爱上帝以外的比爱上帝得多，对上帝犯了奸淫的罪。但基督的宝血已经洁净了我们。基督已经赦免了我们，就像祂赦免了在约翰福音8：8-11犯奸淫的妇人。因此，原谅自己过去的错误，离开以前罪恶的生活。
 
专注于上帝，只有上帝才能真正地满足我们。

​Some consider sex as an appetite, similar to our urge for food (1 Corinthians 6:13). Some consider sex as something dirty that should be avoided (1 Corinthians 7:1).
 
For Christians, sex was created by God and considered as very good by Him. The two become one flesh (1 Corinthians 6:16) and are united physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
 
It is good to be married. Traditional culture emphasizes family. In the olden days, women were considered nobody if they were single. Nowadays, many believe that death ends everything. So, life on earth is of much higher importance, and it is paramount to find one’s true love.
 
The Bible also teaches us that we are designed to be married (Genesis 2:18). But, for Christians, it is good to be single also (1 Corinthians 7:27-28).
 
We are imperfect. Imperfect couples will face many conflicts. As discussed in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 7:28, marriage is a long and hard journey. Both husband and wife need to give up their independence. And both should try to help the other to be better. Thus, marriage does not automatically lead to “happily ever after.”
 
Don’t be too desperate for romance or too eager to change status. Whether we are single or married, focus on God. For the single, try to find a spouse with the same focus. If we are happily married, don’t make the other side our idol. Instead, make God our one true love. For the unhappily married, again center on God.
 
The world in the present form is passing away (1 Corinthians 7:29-31). Don’t be too attached to it. Only God can truly satisfy us. With His water, we will never thirst. Tie our hope to our future ultimate family. Tie our hope to God.
 
Summarized from a Tim Keller’s sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource



性与基督徒的盼望
 
有些人认为性如同食欲，类似人对食物的渴望（哥林多前书6:13）。有些人认为性是肮脏的，应可避免则避免（哥林多前书 7：1）。
 
对于基督徒来说性是上帝的创造，在祂眼中性是非常美好的。两个人合而为一，在身体、情感、精神和灵性上都结合在一起（哥林多前书  6:16）。
 
婚姻是一件好事。传统文化强调家庭。过去单身女性被视为没有地位。如今许多人认为死亡将终结一切，因此地上的生命具有更高的重要性，找到一个真爱的人更为重要。
 
圣经也教导我们婚姻是美好的，它是上帝的设计（创世记2:18）。
 
但对基督徒而言单身也是很好的（哥林多前书7：27-28）。
 
我们是不完美的。不完美的夫妻将面临许多冲突。正如以弗所书5章和哥林多前书 7:28所述，婚姻是一段漫长而艰难的旅程，双方都必须放弃自己的独立，努力帮助对方变得更好。由此可见，婚姻是不会自动变为童话故事中的“从此永远幸福。”
 
不要拼命地追求浪漫，也不要太渴望改变身份。无论单身还是已婚，都要专注于上帝。对单身人士而言，尝试寻找同样地专注于神的配偶。如果拥有美满的婚姻，不要让对方成为偶像。相反地，要使上帝成为我们唯一的真爱。如果婚姻不幸的，也应以上帝为中心。
 
当前的世界正在消逝，不要太依恋它（哥林多前书7：29-31）。只有上帝才能真正满足人。有了祂生命的水，我们将永远不会渴。让我们将盼望放在未来最终的天家，放在上帝身上。
 

​Lust is powerful and addictive. Look at the huge pornography industry. But Christ said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
 
Yet, the Bible rejoices in sex and sexual desire. Genesis 1 depicts God creating sex through male and female. He called His creations very good. In Genesis 2:23, before God, naked Adam characterized naked Eve as bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. The Song of Solomon celebrates sexual love, for example with one admiring the other’s body when the other was going in for sex (Song of Solomon 5, 7).
 
Sex should unify two persons, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
 
But sex without marriage means the parties only want to be united physically, with each holding onto their own life. They are splitting their bodies from their souls.
 
Sex should be an integrated act. It should re-confirm each party belonging completely and exclusively to the other. Thus, sex should be limited to marriage.
 
Lust is different from sexual desire. When a man lusts for a woman, he wants her body only, but not any other parts of her. He has dehumanized her.
 
Lust is also an excessive desire. One can be totally driven by lust, making it the center of one’s life. It is like an idol. After getting the other’s body, one still feels empty. There is no deep fulfillment in lust.
 
The passage on lust (Matthew 5:27-30) also points to eyes and hands. Eyes refer to what one perceives, and hands refer to actions. Have the right perception. Know that physical attraction is good but is just skin deep and can’t be meaningful. Also take the right action. Run away from lustful environments.
 
Sex in marriage is wonderful, but it cannot replace God as the center of our life.
 
Christ constantly refers Himself as the bridegroom, who accepts and loves us, His bride. Through faith, we become absolutely beautiful in Christ’s eyes. Christ becomes the center of our life. Only He could give meaning to our life, with deep fulfillment.
 
Summarized from a sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource
https://gospelinlife.com/downloads/love-lust-and-liberation-5087/



爱，情欲与解放
 
情欲有很大的力量而且容易令人入迷，看看庞大的色情行业就足以证实这点。但基督说, “凡看见妇女就动淫念的，这人心里已经与她犯奸淫了(马太福音5:28)。”
 
然而圣经表扬性和性欲。创世记第一章中描绘了上帝通过男女创造了性, 并且称祂的创造很好。创世记2:23中，赤裸的亚当在上帝面前将赤裸的夏娃描绘成他骨中的骨，肉中的肉。雅歌赞颂性爱，从性的角度欣赏对方的肉体（雅歌5章，7章）。
 
性使二人合而为一，不仅在身体上，也应该在情感、 心理和灵魂上。
 
但没有婚姻的性生活意味着当事人只想在身体上结合，而各人仍保留自己的生活，将身体和灵魂分开考虑。
 
性该是融为一体的行为。它应该是再次承诺彼此完完全全只属于对方。因此，性行为应仅限于婚姻里。
 
情欲不同于性欲。在情欲中想要的是对方的身体，而不是任何其它部分，如此便贬低也侮辱了对方。
 
情欲也是一种过度性的欲望。一个人可能完全被它控制, 使情欲成为这个人生活的中心。情欲像一个偶像， 即使得到对方的身体，仍然会感到空虚，无法给予人深深的满足。
 
有关情欲的经文（太5：27-30）也提及眼睛和手。眼睛代表人的观感，手意味着行动。要有正确的观感看法。身体上的吸引虽好，但却是肤浅的，无法赋予生命的意义。我们也要采取正确的行动，远离淫荡的环境。
 
婚姻中的性爱很美妙，但不能取代上帝成为生活的中心。
 
基督不住地将自己称为新郎，接受并且爱祂的新娘，就是我们。因着信，我们在基督眼中变得全然美丽。当让基督成为生命的中心，只有祂才能赐予生命的意义, 带给我们深深的满足。