​The Bible teaches us to be thankful and joyful (Philippians 4:6-7, Romans 12:12). But how about Lamentation’s sorrow, and criticizing and accusing God?
 
As explained in Deuteronomy 28, if the Israelites obeyed God, blessings would pour on them; if not, cursing would come in five incremental phases the longer they spurned God’s laws. The fourth phase included plagues, enemies’ attack, and hunger. And the final was being scattered among nations (Leviticus 26:3-39).
 
Lamentation’s author, the prophet Jeremiah, described God’s violence towards them, setting traps for them, putting them in the hands of their enemies, abandoning warriors, and crushing the young. Though suffering has other causes, Jeremiah accepted their disobedience as the logical cause of their pain and sorrow. He never disputed the reasons behind their suffering. Yet Jeremiah complained and accused God furiously, questioning why the suffering was so intense, why there was such severe hostility now when God was so close before, why He punished them for their ancestors’ sins, and why He didn’t punish others (1:5, 12-15; 2:14; 3:1, 2-11).
 
With enemies invading them and other nations totally ignoring them, Jeremiah kept asking God to witness their suffering and pain (1:9, 11, 12, 20). He fervently cried out to God probably because he believed God’s promise on removing the curse if they humbled themselves, confessed their sins, and repented (Leviticus 26:40-42).
 
And Jeremiah lamented.
 
There are two types of laments. The first type is shown in David mourning the death of Saul as a hero (2 Samuel 1:17-27). It is typically used at a funeral and is filled with despair.
 
Lamentation describes the second type. It cries out to God, not to yourself or any other person. It accepts your own fault and honestly expresses your intense frustration, even blaming and accusing God for ignoring you, and your pain and suffering.
 
But it never gives up on God.
 
You hold tightly onto Him. You keep asking Him to witness your miserable conditions. You trust that He will understand your criticism and feel your pain. Such lament helps you endure and face pain and suffering, and it’s a form of faith.
 
You honestly, passionately, and forcefully cry out to God with the hope and belief that He will rescue you. Ultimately, it’s a form of prayer and worship, and it is good and holy.
 
Summary of a sermon entitled “Hope in Lamentation” by 高銘謙
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ0g2VfkFIg
 

Conflicts are normal because we are imperfect and different, but conflicts can block our prayers (1 Peter 3:7), happiness (James 3:18), and fellowship with God (1 John 4:20).
 
Christ wants us to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). Peacemakers resolve conflicts not by avoiding conflict (which is cowardice) or appeasing others (which is co-dependency). Reconciliation takes precedence even over worship (Matthew 5:23-24). But how do we reconcile?
 
First, make the first move.
 
Peacemakers make peace. Reconcile quickly because conflict can’t resolve itself and putting it off worsens it.
 
We are afraid of rejection and being misunderstood, so we often avoid confrontation and hide (Genesis 3:10), making us distant, demanding, and defensive. Ask God for love (2 Timothy 1:7) because love can overcome our fear (1 John 4:18).
 
Second, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). He will teach us what to say and when to say it.
 
Third, begin with your fault. Conflict typically comes from our desires battling within us (James 4:1) and from pride, which leads to argument (Proverbs 13:10).
 
But we can choose to get along, to learn, and to be flexible. Be humble (Matthew 7:3, 5; 19:24; 23:24). We need others to identify our blind spots.
 
Just say, “I am sorry I am only thinking of myself.”
 
Fourth, seek to understand their hurt (Philippians 2:4-8) and perspective.
 
Argument typically happens when someone was abused or humiliated.
 
Listen (James 1:19), particularly to the emotion behind the words. See their perspective. Be considerate, particularly of their fears (can be irrational) and doubts (Romans 15:2).
 
Fifth, speak the truth tactfully, with love (Ephesians 4:15).
 
It is not what you say but how you say it. Being abrasive isn’t persuasive. Don’t say things designed to hurt, belittle, or insult (Colossians 3:8).
 
Usually, it is rude to tell it just as it is. Instead, speak the truth lovingly. Use helpful, not harmful, words (Ephesians 4:29). Speak wisely, not recklessly (Proverbs 12:18).
 
Sixth, attack the issues and problems, not each other. 
 
Seventh, focus on reconciliation and accept disagreements, not requiring seeing eye-to-eye. 
 
God has forgiven our sins and restored our relationship with Him. Now, bring people together (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). Be peacemakers.
 
Summary of a sermon by Rick Warren:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1udN6OShf4


​ 
如何解决冲突和恢复关系
 
人与人发生冲突是正常的，因为我们都并非完美，并且各有不同。 但冲突会阻碍我们的祈祷（彼得一书 3:7）、幸福（雅各书 3:18）和与上帝的相交（约翰一书 4:20）。
 
基督希望我们成为使人和睦的人（马太福音 5:9）。使人和睦的人不是通过逃避冲突（这是怯懦）或安抚他人（这是共同依赖）来解决冲突。 和解甚至比敬拜更重要（马太福音 5:23-24）。但怎样才能和解呢？
 
首先，要主动迈出第一步。
 
使人和睦的人缔造和平。
 
和解需用尽快，因为冲突无法自行解决, 并且推迟解决的冲突会更加恶化。
 
我们害怕被拒绝和被误解, 所以时常避免面对冲突而躲藏起来（创世记 3:10），因而与他人疏远、苛求他人并且持有防御的心态。 求上帝赐下爱（提摩太后书 1:7）， 因为爱可以战胜恐惧（约翰一书 4:18）。
 
第二，向上帝求智慧（雅各书 1:5）。 祂会教导我们当说的话，以及何时说出这些话。
 
第三， 从自己的错误开始。冲突通常来自私欲在心里的争战（雅各书 4:1）,来自引发争论的骄傲（箴言 13:10）。
 
但我们可以选择与人相处，虚心学习，机动灵活。 我们要谦卑（马太福音 7:3, 5; 19:24; 23:24）, 要他人的帮助来识别自己的盲点。
 
只需说“对不起，我只想到自己。”
 
第四，倾听和理解他人的伤痛和观点（腓立比书 2:4-8）。
 
时常当有人受到虐待或羞辱时，争吵就会发生。
 
当仔细聆听（雅各书 1:19）, 特别是话语背后的情感。看见他人的观点。 体谅他人, 特别是他们的恐惧 (可能是不合理的) 和疑虑（罗马书 15:2）。
 
第五，用爱委婉地讲真话（以弗所书 4:15）.
 
关键不是你说什么，而是你怎么说。粗暴是没有说服力的。不要说旨在伤害、贬低或侮辱人的话（歌罗西书 3:8）。
 
通常，照原样直话直说是不礼貌的。 相反地，要以爱心说真话。要说造就人而非伤害人的话（以弗所书 4:29）。 说话要有智慧，不要鲁莽（箴言 12:18）。
 
第六，我们要解决和对付的是面临的问题，而不是彼此。
 
第七，是专注于和解, 接受大家可以有不同的意见。
 
上帝已经赦免了我们的罪，恢复了我们与祂的关系。现在，我们要使人与神和好，与人和好（哥林多后书 5:18-20）, 成为使人和睦的人。
 

Good behavior is the crux of many major religions, but Christianity focuses more on who we are than what we do.
 
Let’s use forgiveness as an example. See Ephesians 4:22-32.
 
Assume we have been terribly wronged, and we are angry.
 
Before addressing the issue of forgiveness, let’s look at anger.
 
Anger intrinsically is good. Like other emotions, they are created by God. Numerous places in the Old Testament describe God in anger. When someone misused Sabbath to cause intense suffering and torture, Christ was angry (Mark 3:1-5). So, don’t suppress or deny our anger (Ephesians 4:26).
 
Though we should not suppress our anger, we should control it and express it within boundaries. We also should not let anger linger on, but rather gradually get rid of it, together with our bitterness and brawling. Otherwise, the devil could use anger as a beachhead to get to us (Ephesians 4:26-27, 31).
 
Let’s get back to forgiveness. Why should we forgive?
 
Christians forgive not because it is the moral things to do, but because in Christ, God forgave us, allowing us to be His children (Ephesians 4:32). Since God has forgiven our huge debt, we should forgive others’ small debts (Matthew 18:21-35).
 
Christians forgive because our Father in heaven has forgiven us.
 
Sometimes we don’t forgive others because we think we are better and would never commit such mistakes. Sometimes we won’t even forgive ourselves because we think our mistakes are too big to deal with. In both cases, we focus on ourselves. Instead, we should focus on Christ.
 
Let Christ’s sacrifice for us melt our stubborn heart. Have mercy on others because God has been merciful to us (Matthew 18:33).
 
By the way, it may take us awhile to learn to forgive others. Changing takes time. Be patient.
 
In conclusion, we should channel our anger energy to attack and solve problems, and hold no ill will. Instead, we must forgive others because our heavenly Father has forgiven us, allowing us to be His beloved children.
 
Summarized from a Tim Keller’s sermon
https://gospelinlife.com/downloads/forgiving-and-forgiven-5647/
 

 
如何化解强烈的愤怒?
 
世界许多主要的宗教其核心都关注于人的好行为。但是，基督教更注重我们的所是而非所为。 
 
让我们以饶恕为例（参看以弗所书4：22-32）。 
 
假设我们受到了满腔委屈，而且为此生气。 
 
在解决宽饶恕的问题之前，让我们先来思想一下愤怒。 
 
愤怒本质上是好的。像许多其它的情绪一样, 它们都是上帝创造的。 比如, 在旧约许多地方都谈及上帝的愤怒。 当有些人滥用安息日的律法而造成严重痛苦和折磨时，基督很愤怒（马可福音3：1-5）。因此，不要压抑或否认我们的愤怒（以弗所书3：26）。 
 
尽管我们不应该压抑自己的愤怒，但我们应该控制它。 表达愤怒应该有界限。 我们不应愤怒过久, 而要连同苦毒和爭吵一同逐渐地除去。否则，魔鬼会利用愤怒趁机潜进入我们的心 （以弗所书3：26-27，31）。 
 
让我们回到饶恕。我们为什么要饶恕人？ 
 
基督徒饶恕别人，不是因为道德。基督徒饶恕是因为在基督里，上帝饶恕了我们, 让我们成为祂的儿女 (以弗所书3：32）。既然上帝赦免了我们千万银子的巨债，我们也应该赦免他人十两银子的一点点小债（马太福音18：21-35）。 
 
基督徒之所以饶恕，是因为我们的天父饶恕了我们。 
 
有时，我们不饶恕他别人，认为自己比他们好，不会犯类似的错误。亦有时，我们甚至不饶恕自己，认为自己的错误太大，罪不可恕。在这两种情况下，我们都是专注自己。我们应该做的，乃是要将注意力集中于基督。 
 
让基督为我们的牺牲融化我們頑固的心。怜悯他人，因为上帝一直在怜悯我们 （马太福音18:33）。 
 
我们可能需要一段时间才能学会饶恕他人。改变是需要时间的。给我们自己一点时间，别着急!
 
总之，我们应当将愤怒的能量疏导来处理和解决问题， 而不要心怀恶意。饶恕他人，因为我们的天父饶恕了我们, 让我们成为祂蒙爱的儿女。