 Conflicts are normal because we are imperfect and different, but conflicts can block our prayers (1 Peter 3:7), happiness (James 3:18), and fellowship with God (1 John 4:20).
Christ wants us to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). Peacemakers resolve conflicts not by avoiding conflict (which is cowardice) or appeasing others (which is co-dependency). Reconciliation takes precedence even over worship (Matthew 5:23-24). But how do we reconcile? First, make the first move. Peacemakers make peace. Reconcile quickly because conflict can’t resolve itself and putting it off worsens it. We are afraid of rejection and being misunderstood, so we often avoid confrontation and hide (Genesis 3:10), making us distant, demanding, and defensive. Ask God for love (2 Timothy 1:7) because love can overcome our fear (1 John 4:18). Second, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). He will teach us what to say and when to say it. Third, begin with your fault. Conflict typically comes from our desires battling within us (James 4:1) and from pride, which leads to argument (Proverbs 13:10). But we can choose to get along, to learn, and to be flexible. Be humble (Matthew 7:3, 5; 19:24; 23:24). We need others to identify our blind spots. Just say, “I am sorry I am only thinking of myself.” Fourth, seek to understand their hurt (Philippians 2:4-8) and perspective. Argument typically happens when someone was abused or humiliated. Listen (James 1:19), particularly to the emotion behind the words. See their perspective. Be considerate, particularly of their fears (can be irrational) and doubts (Romans 15:2). Fifth, speak the truth tactfully, with love (Ephesians 4:15). It is not what you say but how you say it. Being abrasive isn’t persuasive. Don’t say things designed to hurt, belittle, or insult (Colossians 3:8). Usually, it is rude to tell it just as it is. Instead, speak the truth lovingly. Use helpful, not harmful, words (Ephesians 4:29). Speak wisely, not recklessly (Proverbs 12:18). Sixth, attack the issues and problems, not each other. Seventh, focus on reconciliation and accept disagreements, not requiring seeing eye-to-eye. God has forgiven our sins and restored our relationship with Him. Now, bring people together (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). Be peacemakers. Summary of a sermon by Rick Warren: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1udN6OShf4 如何解决冲突和恢复关系 人与人发生冲突是正常的，因为我们都并非完美，并且各有不同。 但冲突会阻碍我们的祈祷（彼得一书 3:7）、幸福（雅各书 3:18）和与上帝的相交（约翰一书 4:20）。 基督希望我们成为使人和睦的人（马太福音 5:9）。使人和睦的人不是通过逃避冲突（这是怯懦）或安抚他人（这是共同依赖）来解决冲突。 和解甚至比敬拜更重要（马太福音 5:23-24）。但怎样才能和解呢？ 首先，要主动迈出第一步。 使人和睦的人缔造和平。 和解需用尽快，因为冲突无法自行解决, 并且推迟解决的冲突会更加恶化。 我们害怕被拒绝和被误解, 所以时常避免面对冲突而躲藏起来（创世记 3:10），因而与他人疏远、苛求他人并且持有防御的心态。 求上帝赐下爱（提摩太后书 1:7）， 因为爱可以战胜恐惧（约翰一书 4:18）。 第二，向上帝求智慧（雅各书 1:5）。 祂会教导我们当说的话，以及何时说出这些话。 第三， 从自己的错误开始。冲突通常来自私欲在心里的争战（雅各书 4:1）,来自引发争论的骄傲（箴言 13:10）。 但我们可以选择与人相处，虚心学习，机动灵活。 我们要谦卑（马太福音 7:3, 5; 19:24; 23:24）, 要他人的帮助来识别自己的盲点。 只需说“对不起，我只想到自己。” 第四，倾听和理解他人的伤痛和观点（腓立比书 2:4-8）。 时常当有人受到虐待或羞辱时，争吵就会发生。 当仔细聆听（雅各书 1:19）, 特别是话语背后的情感。看见他人的观点。 体谅他人, 特别是他们的恐惧 (可能是不合理的) 和疑虑（罗马书 15:2）。 第五，用爱委婉地讲真话（以弗所书 4:15）. 关键不是你说什么，而是你怎么说。粗暴是没有说服力的。不要说旨在伤害、贬低或侮辱人的话（歌罗西书 3:8）。 通常，照原样直话直说是不礼貌的。 相反地，要以爱心说真话。要说造就人而非伤害人的话（以弗所书 4:29）。 说话要有智慧，不要鲁莽（箴言 12:18）。 第六，我们要解决和对付的是面临的问题，而不是彼此。 第七，是专注于和解, 接受大家可以有不同的意见。 上帝已经赦免了我们的罪，恢复了我们与祂的关系。现在，我们要使人与神和好，与人和好（哥林多后书 5:18-20）, 成为使人和睦的人。 Comments are closed.
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