 A Christian marriage is based on deep appreciation and respect for Christ and humbly submitting to each other (Ephesians 5:18-33).
Marriage is not for status or a sense of security. It is also not for fulfilling our needs, like consumers looking for products to satisfy them. Instead, Christian couples should submit to each other, each committing to serve the other. Wives should learn to grant leadership to their husbands, while husbands should learn to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Each side acts appropriately, even if the other side doesn’t reciprocate. Submitting and serving do not equate to giving in. Look at Christ. He loves us and served us to the point of death, but He confronts us with the truth to help us grow and be holy. We shouldn’t be self-centered because we know we are sinners saved by Christ. We shouldn’t be needy for others’ affirmation since we know the Almighty God loves us. Also, note that marriage is not the ultimate relationship, and will not fill the deepest void in our hearts. Only Christ can. Don’t think that (a) marrying the right person will guarantee a perfect life, (b) having a wonderful family will be nirvana, or (c) marrying the right person will make us somebody. No one can replace God in our life. Putting someone in the place of God will totally destroy our relationship with the person. Furthermore, don’t worry excessively about not finding the right person. There is no ideal mate. Even if you think you have found a perfect match, that person will change and will be influenced by others. So don’t be too cautious. To conclude, Christ should be our ultimate spouse, who loves us and never lets us down. Let Him be the center of our life, so that we may love and serve our earthly spouses. Summarized from a Tim Keller sermon: http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource http://www.gospelinlife.com/hope-for-the-family-6041 家的希望 基督徒婚姻的基础是建立在对基督深切的感激和尊重, 以及相互顺服（以弗所书5：18-33）。 婚姻不是为了地位或安全感。它也不是为了满足我们的需求，像消费者寻找让他们满意的产品。 反而基督徒夫妻应当相互顺服，各人承诺服务对方。并且妻子要学习赋予丈夫领导权，而丈夫则要学习爱妻子好像爱自己的身体。每人做好本分, 尽管对方没有回报。 顺服和服事对方并不等于屈服。请看基督。祂爱我们，为我们牺牲了自己。但祂以真理来面对我们，帮助我们成长并成为圣洁。 我们不应以自我为中心，因为知道我们是罪人, 是基督所拯救的。我们也不应需要别人的肯定，因为我们知道全能的上帝爱我们。 另外，婚姻不是最终的关系，也不会填补我们内心深处的虚空。只有基督才可以。不要以为（a）与合适的人结婚会带来永远幸福，（b）拥有一个美好的家庭就是极乐世界，或者（c）与合适的人结婚会使我们成为重要人物。没有人可以取代神在我们生命中的地位。将某人接替上帝的角色会完全破坏您与那人的关系。 并且也不必太担心找不到绝对合适的人。没有人是绝对理想的。即使您以为找到了完美的伴侣，那人也会改变, 也会受周围的人影响。因此不用太谨慎。 总而言之，我们最终的配偶应是基督，祂爱我们, 从不让我们失望。让基督为我们生命的中心，然后爱并且服事配偶。  A healthy marriage needs work and regular attention to cultivate it.
Marriage should make your spouse holy through your sacrifice (Ephesians 5). Husbands and wives take on different roles. The husband humbly leads to build up his wife, while the wife plays a helper role to build up her husband. Both submit to help the other. To help, you need to understand your spouse deeply. For example, one may want to spend time together, when the other wants to have some solitary meditation. One may vent about a boss being unreasonable and seek emotional support, while the other tries to solve the problem without empathizing. When there are problems, focus on the problems, not the person. Step off the battlefield and objectively look at the complications. If it is a feeling issue, focus on addressing emotions more than facts. If it’s your problem, don’t make excuses. Admit it. Offer to change after things have calmed down. If it’s your spouse’s problem, forgive first because Christ has forgiven our mistakes. Then critique yourself and admit mistakes no matter how small they are. After that, tell the truth lovingly so your spouse can grow. Develop an environment secure for criticism. Sex is a blessing between couples. Don’t deprive the other side of it (Proverbs 5:15-20, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). What happens in bed can affect other parts of the relationship. Sex is not a place to perform, but to love. Unlike the woman, the man is ready for sex quickly, not requiring much context. That may be why pornography can be more seductive to men. So, a husband needs to learn to be slow, while a wife needs to learn to be more responsive. Do some spiritual things together regularly, such as praying before sleep. Emotion can start the engine, but marriage should have a deep unity, maintained by will and strengthened by habit. A healthy marriage needs to be cultivated. May the grace of Christ be the impetus of our love. In light of what He has done for us, serve your spouse and help your spouse be a more wonderful person. Summarized from: http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource http://www.gospelinlife.com/cultivating-a-healthy-marriage-part-1-lecture-4666 培养健康的婚姻 健康的婚姻需要工夫和经常的关注来培养它。 通过牺牲，婚姻应使您的配偶变得圣洁（以弗所书5）。 丈夫和妻子扮演不同的角色。丈夫谦卑地带领着他的妻子来建立她。而妻子扮演辅助者的角色来建立她的丈夫。双方都向对方提供帮助。 为此尝试深入了解您的配偶。例如，有些人喜欢花时间在一起，而有些人宁可单独地冥想。又譬如说，有些人可能发泄老板的不合理来寻求帮助，而有些人则只想要情感上支持但宁愿自己处理事情。再举一个例子, 婴儿出生后，乳房变得功能性，而不是装饰性。妻子没有那么渴望丈夫的抚摸，因为婴儿满足了她。 当问题出现时，将注意力集中于问题而不是对方，更不要为得到上风。踏出战场，客观地看一下困难。如果是感情问题，专注于处理情绪上的困难多于事实分析。 如果是您的问题，请不要找借口。承认吧。 将事情平静下来后也应提出改变。 如果是您配偶的问题，请首先原谅您的配偶，因为基督原谅了我们的错误。然后分析自己，如果有错误，无论大小, 都要承认。之后，带着爱说出事实，这样您的配偶可以成长。发展一个安全和建设性的批评环境。 性是夫妻之间的祝福。不要剥夺另一方 （箴言5：15-20和哥林多前书7：3-5）。在卧房发生的事可能会影响其他方面的关系。性不是表演的地方，而是爱的地方。与女人不同，男人可以很快预备，不需特殊景况便能做爱。这可能就是为什么色情比较容易使男人着迷。所以丈夫需要学会慢一些，而妻子则需要学会反应快一点。 经常一起做一些属灵的事, 譬如睡觉前一起祈祷。 情感可以启动引擎。但是，婚姻应该有一种深厚的联合，用意志维持并由习惯加强。健康的婚姻需要培养。 愿基督的恩典成为我们爱的动力。至少由于祂为我们所做的一切，我们应该服事配偶，并帮助配偶成为一个更加美好的人。  Marriage’s foundation, Definition and Priority
One of the foundations of marriage is a servant heart, with the spouses submitting to each other. A servant heart helps the spouses to hear criticism without being demoralized, to give suggestions humbly, and to forgive without residual anger. How do we have a servant heart? We need to know we were nothing. We are children of God entirely because of Christ, not because of our performances, accomplishments or love. Christ sacrificed dearly for us. So we learn to submit to each other, at least because we should honor Christ (Ephesians 5:21). Marriage is a permanent commitment. Emotions fluctuate, but commitment helps get us through difficult times. Also, our heart is where we invest our time, effort, and emotion. Action, emotion, and commitment feed on each other. Spousal relationships should be above all other human relationships. It is where a man leaves his parents and unites to his wife (Ephesians 5:32-33, Genesis 2:24). Most other societies emphasize children and parents more, but in Christianity, our spouse takes the lead. Our children shouldn’t be the center of the family. We should love them but not let our relationship with them eclipse our relationship with our spouse. Our parents shouldn’t be the center. If a man is closer to his parents than his spouse, he hasn’t left them. Marriage should be where we share all parts of our life. If we tell everything we heard from our spouse to another person, our spouse probably will not open up. Also, try to know your spouse deeply. We are different with different ways of living, such as the family pattern we grew up with. If the wife’s father shows love by changing diapers, but the husband’s mother shows love by never letting her spouse change diapers, then just changing diapers may cause conflict. We need to really understand our spouse, including the spouse’s upbringing. On certain things, we may need a change in perspective. In conclusion, husbands and wives should serve each other. Marriage is where spouses commit to each other and prioritize the marital relationship over others. Also, spouses should try to know each other well. Hopefully, our spouse is our closest partner, one who understands, accepts, appreciates, and works with us. Summarized from: http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource http://www.gospelinlife.com/marriage-as-commitment-priority-4659 婚姻的基础，定义和排位轻重 婚姻其中一个的基础是有仆人的心，彼此顺服。仆人的心帮我们听见了批评也不会灰心丧气，虚心地给予对方提议，和宽恕了也都不遗留怨愤。 如何有一个仆人的心？我们要知道自己什么都没有。我们是上帝的儿女，完全是因为基督，而不是因为我们的行为，成就或爱心。基督为我们牺牲了自己。因此，我们应学会互相顺服，至少是出于我们对基督的尊敬 （以弗所书 5:21）。 婚姻是永久的承诺。承诺是第一，其次才是情感。情感可会动摇。但是承诺可以帮我们度过困难时期。并且，我们的心是在我们投入时间，精力和情感的地方。行动, 情感，和承诺三方互助成长。 丈妻关系应该处于所有其他关系之上。它是一位男子离开父母，与妻子结合在一起的地方 （以弗所书 5：32-33和创世纪 2:24）。多数其他社会更加重视孩子与父母的关系。但是在基督教中，婚姻关系是占首位的。 我们的孩子不应成为家庭的中心。我们应该爱他们，但不要让我们与他们的关系超越我们与配偶的关系。 我们的父母不应成为中心。不要关心父母多于关心我们的配偶。如果一位男子亲近他的父母多于他的配偶，那么他还没有离开他的相亲。 婚姻应该是我们可分享生活全部的地方。如我们将从配偶那里听来的一切告诉另一人 ，那么配偶很可能就不会再打开心扉。 此外，尝试深入地了解您的配偶。我们都有不同生活方式，例如我们成长的家庭教养。如果妻子的父亲通过换尿布来表达爱意，而刚刚相反丈夫的母亲宁可自己做来表达爱意，那么仅仅换尿布这件事就可引起冲突。我们需要好好的了解我们的配偶，包括配偶成长的经历。在某些事情上, 我们可能需要改变我们的观点, 重新开始。 总而言之, 丈妻应互相服侍, 至少是出于我们对基督的尊敬。 婚姻是夫妻彼此承诺的地方，并且应将伴侣排位优先于他人。 另外，夫妻应尽量彼此了解。希望我们的配偶是我们最亲密的伙伴，一个了解，接受，欣赏并与我们合作的伙伴。 |