Cultivating a Healthy Marriage

A healthy marriage needs work and regular attention to cultivate it.
 
Marriage should make your spouse holy through your sacrifice (Ephesians 5). Husbands and wives take on different roles. The husband humbly leads to build up his wife, while the wife plays a helper role to build up her husband. Both submit to help the other.
 
To help, you need to understand your spouse deeply. For example, one may want to spend time together, when the other wants to have some solitary meditation. One may vent about a boss being unreasonable and seek emotional support, while the other tries to solve the problem without empathizing.
 
When there are problems, focus on the problems, not the person. Step off the battlefield and objectively look at the complications. If it is a feeling issue, focus on addressing emotions more than facts.
 
If it’s your problem, don’t make excuses. Admit it. Offer to change after things have calmed down.
 
If it’s your spouse’s problem, forgive first because Christ has forgiven our mistakes. Then critique yourself and admit mistakes no matter how small they are. After that, tell the truth lovingly so your spouse can grow. Develop an environment secure for criticism.
 
Sex is a blessing between couples. Don’t deprive the other side of it (Proverbs 5:15-20, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). What happens in bed can affect other parts of the relationship. Sex is not a place to perform, but to love. Unlike the woman, the man is ready for sex quickly, not requiring much context. That may be why pornography can be more seductive to men. So, a husband needs to learn to be slow, while a wife needs to learn to be more responsive.
 
Do some spiritual things together regularly, such as praying before sleep. Emotion can start the engine, but marriage should have a deep unity, maintained by will and strengthened by habit. A healthy marriage needs to be cultivated.
 
May the grace of Christ be the impetus of our love. In light of what He has done for us, serve your spouse and help your spouse be a more wonderful person.
 
Summarized from ​a Tim Keller’s sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource
 

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培养健康的婚姻
 
健康的婚姻需要培养，必须花工夫，经常地关注它。
 
通过牺牲，婚姻应使您的配偶变得圣洁（以弗所书5）。丈夫和妻子扮演不同的角色。丈夫谦卑地带领他的妻子，以此来建立她。而妻子扮演帮助者的角色，以此来建立她的丈夫。双方都彼此顺服，为要帮助对方。
 
为此,尝试深入了解您的配偶。例如有些人喜欢花时间在一起，而有些人宁可单独地冥想。又譬如有些人想发泄对无理老板的愤概，寻求感情上的支持，而有些人则试图解决问题而缺乏同理心。
 
当问题出现时，将注意力集中于问题而不是对方。跳出战场，客观地分析问题的方方面面。如果是情感问题，专注于处理情绪上的困难而非事实分析。
 
如果是您的问题，请不要找借口，勇敢地承认自己的错误吧。事情平静下来后，提出相应的改进建议。
 
如果是您配偶的问题，请首先原谅对方，因为基督原谅了我们的错误。然后分析自己，如果有错误，无论大小,都要承认。之后，用爱道出原本的事实，帮助配偶的成长。建造一个安全和建设性的批评环境。
 
性是夫妻之间的祝福。不要剥夺另一方（箴言5：15-20，哥林多前书7：3-5）。卧房发生的事可能会影响其它方面的关系。性是爱的地方，而非表演之处。男人与女人不同，他可以很快预备，不需特殊景况便能做爱。这可能就是为什么男人比较容易受到色情的引诱。所以，丈夫需要学会放慢一些，而妻子则需要学会反应快一点。
 
经常共同做些属灵的事,譬如睡觉前一起祈祷。
 
情感可以是启动关系发展的引擎。但是，婚姻应该有一种深厚的联合，用意志维持并由习惯加强。健康的婚姻需要培养。
 
愿基督的恩典成为爱的动力。因为祂为我们所做的一切，我们应该服事配偶，并帮助配偶成为一个更加美好的人。