How to Earn Respect

We desire and need respect. A good name is more desirable than great wealth (Proverbs 22:1).
 
One way to earn respect is from handling conflicts appropriately. Let us learn from Nehemiah 5.
 
First, it lists four causes of conflicts:

• Basic needs not met. Some Jews even lacked food (Nehemiah 5:2).
• Falling behind. Some mortgaged their essential assets for food (Nehemiah 5:3).
• Leaders insensitive to their followers. Some had to borrow to pay tax (Nehemiah 5:4).
• Feeling powerless. Some had to let their children be slaves for food (Nehemiah 5:5).

 
Nehemiah chapter 5 lists five ways Nehemiah gained respect by resolving these conflicts:

• Empathize. The above issues made Nehemiah very angry (Nehemiah 5:6). People do not care what we know until they know we care.

• Pause and think before speaking (Nehemiah 5:7). Be quick to listen but slow to speak (Proverbs 15:28, James 1:19-20).

• Resolve conflicts privately first. Nehemiah first talked directly to those causing the conflicts before addressing them publicly (Nehemiah 5:7-8, Matthew 18:15-17).

• Search for, appeal to, and bring out the good in others (Nehemiah 5:8-13, Proverbs 11:27). Do not label them badly, but appeal to the good they could do.

• Do things with humility and generosity (Nehemiah 5:14-19). Reject entitlement, and remain humble. We must not use our power to enrich ourselves at the expense of others.

 
Though Nehemiah was the governor, out of respect for God, he did not (a) eat or demand the food allotted to the governor; (b) place heavy burdens on the people he was governing; (c) allow his assistants to lord over the people; nor (d) take any land (Nehemiah 5:14-18). Instead, he was generous to the needy, putting the needs of others above his own. Every day, he provided food for 150 people because of their heavy burden (Nehemiah 5:17, Proverbs 29:23, Psalm 112:9).
 
Furthermore, Nehemiah set good examples. He and his men were devoted to building the wall (Nehemiah 5:16, Proverbs 14:22).
 
After we are dead, how will people remember us? Consider that and act accordingly (Proverbs 10:7).
 
To conclude, if you want to earn others’ respect, empathize, think before speaking, appeal to the good sides of others, be humble and generous particularly to those in needs, and set good examples.
 
Summarized from a sermon by Rick Warren:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMpNGqau09Y starting from 17 minutes

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如何赢得别人的尊重
 
我们渴望并需求尊重。良好的声誉甚至胜过巨富 (箴言 22:1)。
 
赢得尊重的一种方法是适当地处理冲突。让我们从尼希米学习。
 
尼希米记第5章列出四种冲突问题的原因：

• 基本需求没得到满足。有些犹太人甚至缺乏食物 (尼希米记 5:2)。
• 襟不見肘，每况愈下。有些人抵押了他们的日常必需品来购买食物 (尼希米记 5:3)。
• 领导者对下属麻木不仁。有些人不得不借钱交税 (尼希米记 5:4)。
• 感到无能为力。为了食物, 有些人什至让自己的孩子成为奴隶 (尼希米记 5:5)。

 
尼希米记第5章讲述他如何在解决问题中获得尊重的五种方法：
 

• 重视别人的感受 - 以上四种问题的原由使尼希米非常生气 (尼希米记 5:6)。直至人们知道我们对他们的关心，他们是不在乎我们懂得什么。

 

• 说话前先想好才说 (尼希米记 5:7) - 要听得快，但说得慢 (箴言15:28, 雅各书 1:19-20)。

 

• 先私底下解决冲突 - 尼希米首先与有关冲突的人交谈，不能达成协议后才公开指控他们 (尼希米记 5:7-8, 马太福音 18:15-17)。

 

• 寻找及带出他人好的一面，不是坏的一面 (尼希米记 5:8-13, 箴言 11:27) - 不要给别人加上一个坏名声。而是要告诉他们如何改善。

 

• 做事要谦虚和慷慨 (尼希米记 5:14-19) - 拒绝应得心态，就像我们事事应该得到一样。相反地我们要谦虚。不要用我们的权力牺牲他人，目的为了受益自己。

 
虽然尼希米是省长, 但出于对上帝的尊重，他没有 (一) 吃或要求分配给省长的食物； (二) 给他统治的人民带来沉重的负担；(三) 让他的助手欺压人民 和(四) 获得任何土地 (尼希米记 5:14-18)。 相反地, 尼希米对有需要的人十分慷慨, 将他人的需要置于自己之上。为了减少人民的重担, 尼希米每天提供一百五十人的食物 (尼希米记 5:17, 箴言 29:23, 诗篇 112:9)。
 
此外，尼希米树立了良好榜样。他和他的手下埋头建造围墙 (尼希米记 5:16, 箴言 14:22)。
 
我们死后，人们会如何记起我们？ 考虑到这一点然后采取相应的行动 (箴言 10:7)。
 
总而言之，如果想赢得别人的尊重，要感同身受; 先思考、再说话; 提出他人好的一面; 应谦虚和慷慨，尤其是对那些有需要的人; 并树立良好的榜样。