How to Earn Respect

We desire and need respect. A good name is more desirable than great wealth (Proverbs 22:1).
 
One way to earn respect is from handling conflicts appropriately. Let us learn from Nehemiah 5.
 
First, it lists four causes of conflicts:

• Basic needs not met. Some Jews even lacked food (Nehemiah 5:2).
• Falling behind. Some mortgaged their essential assets for food (Nehemiah 5:3).
• Leaders insensitive to their followers. Some had to borrow to pay tax (Nehemiah 5:4).
• Feeling powerless. Some had to let their children be slaves for food (Nehemiah 5:5).

 
Nehemiah chapter 5 lists five ways Nehemiah gained respect by resolving these conflicts:

• Empathize. The above issues made Nehemiah very angry (Nehemiah 5:6). People do not care what we know until they know we care.

• Pause and think before speaking (Nehemiah 5:7). Be quick to listen but slow to speak (Proverbs 15:28, James 1:19-20).

• Resolve conflicts privately first. Nehemiah first talked directly to those causing the conflicts before addressing them publicly (Nehemiah 5:7-8, Matthew 18:15-17).

• Search for, appeal to, and bring out the good in others (Nehemiah 5:8-13, Proverbs 11:27). Do not label them badly, but appeal to the good they could do.

• Do things with humility and generosity (Nehemiah 5:14-19). Reject entitlement, and remain humble. We must not use our power to enrich ourselves at the expense of others.

 
Though Nehemiah was the governor, out of respect for God, he did not (a) eat or demand the food allotted to the governor; (b) place heavy burdens on the people he was governing; (c) allow his assistants to lord over the people; nor (d) take any land (Nehemiah 5:14-18). Instead, he was generous to the needy, putting the needs of others above his own. Every day, he provided food for 150 people because of their heavy burden (Nehemiah 5:17, Proverbs 29:23, Psalm 112:9).
 
Furthermore, Nehemiah set good examples. He and his men were devoted to building the wall (Nehemiah 5:16, Proverbs 14:22).
 
After we are dead, how will people remember us? Consider that and act accordingly (Proverbs 10:7).
 
To conclude, if you want to earn others’ respect, empathize, think before speaking, appeal to the good sides of others, be humble and generous particularly to those in needs, and set good examples.
 
Summarized from a sermon by Rick Warren:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMpNGqau09Y starting from 17 minutes

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如何赢得别人的尊重
 
我们渴望并需要尊重。良好的声誉甚至胜过巨大的财富(箴言22:1)。
 
赢得尊重的一种方法是适当地处理冲突。让我们从尼希米5章学习。
 
这里列出了四个发生冲突的原因：

• 基本需求没有得到满足。有些犹太人甚至缺乏食物(尼希米记5:2)。
• 经济窘迫。有些人为购买食物抵押自己的基本资产(尼希米记5:3)。
• 领袖对跟随者的难处不闻不问。有些人不得不借钱交税(尼希米记5:4)。
• 感到无能为力。有些人为了食物甚至让自己的孩子落为奴隶(尼希米记5:5)。

 
尼希米记在此用了解决冲突中获得尊重的五种方法：

• 重视别人的感受。以上的难处使尼希米非常生气(尼希米记5:6)。人们不关心我们知道什么，直到他们知道我们关心他们。
• 说话前先停下来想一想(尼希米记5:7)。要快快地听，慢慢地说(箴言15:28,雅各书1:19-20)。
• 尝试先私下解决冲突。尼希米首先直接与造成冲突的人交谈，然后才公开地在公众之前指控他们(尼希米记5:7-8,马太福音18:15-17)。
• 寻找和发挥他人好的一面(尼希米记5:8-13,箴言11:27)。不要给人贴上坏标签，而要带出他们可以有的善行。
• 做事谦虚慷慨(尼希米记5:14-19)。拒绝权利心态，就像我们应该得的一样。相反地，要保持谦卑。我们不能用自己的权力以牺牲他人为代价来使自己得益。

 
虽然尼希米是省长,但出于对上帝的尊重，（1）他没有吃或要求分配给省长的食物；（2）没有给他治理下的百姓带来沉重的负担；（3）没有让他的助手辖制百姓；也（4）没有置买任何田地(尼希米记5:14-18)。相反地,尼希米对有需要的人慷慨大方,将他人的需要置于自己之上。因为百姓的沉重负担,尼希米每天为150人提供食物(尼希米记5:17,箴言29:23,诗篇112:9)。
 
此外，尼希米还树立了很好的榜样。他和他的仆人恒心修造城墙(尼希米记5:16,箴言14:22)。
 
当我们离世以后，人们会如何记住我们呢？思想这个问题，然后采取相应的行动(箴言10:7)。
 
总而言之，如果您想赢得他人的尊重，请先有同理心，三思而后行，发挥他人的优点，谦卑虚己，慷慨大方，尤其是对有需要的人乐意捐助，和为他人树立好榜样。