Marriage as Commitment and Priority

​The foundation of a healthy marriage is a servant heart, with each spouse submitting to the other. A servant heart takes the mind off yourself, can receive criticism without being crushed, gives suggestions without crushing, and forgives without residual anger.
 
How can we have a servant heart? First, we remember that we were nothing. Now, we are children of God entirely because of Christ, not because of our performances, accomplishments, or love. Christ sacrificed dearly for us and our spouses. So, at least out of reverence for Christ, we should serve our spouses with an unselfish heart gifted us by the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:21).
 
Marriage is a permanent, exclusive, public, and legal commitment to share your entire life together. This commitment should override your feelings and emotions. Your commitment, investment in the relationship, and love toward your spouse strengthen each other. Where you invest your time and effort—where your treasure is—is where your heart will be.
 
Marriage should be prioritized above all other relationships. It is where a man leaves his parents and unites to his wife (Ephesians 5:32-33, Genesis 2:24). Most other societies emphasize children and parents, but in Christianity, marriage is the vortex of your life. The relationship with your spouse must come before that of your parents, children, friends, and career (Ephesians 5:28).
 
Differences in upbringing, previous family patterns, and previous ways of living can lead to misunderstandings and severe conflicts within a marriage. You need to understand your spouse deeply. Sit down, discuss the differences, and change. Let marriage be a fresh start; it has the power to change the course of your life, tear you down, and build you up.
 
Marriage isn’t a human invention, and its primary function isn’t for your happiness. Marriage was created by God to make you holy and blameless (Ephesians 5:25-27). It is the most intense relationship because you can’t hide from your spouse. You are forced to see your mistakes, selfishness, and prejudices; God makes you confront them through marriage.
 
Love is something only a Holy-Spirit-created unselfishness can maintain. So go to God in your marriage and rely on Him.

​Summarized from a Tim Keller’s sermon:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvAbHOfLIyY


​

婚姻的承诺和优先次序
 
健康婚姻的基础是两人彼此顺服,对配偶有颗服侍的心。服侍的心能把注意力从自己身上移开，能聆听对方批评而不灰心丧气，能提出建议而不压垮对方，能宽恕对方而不留怨愤.
 
如何拥有一颗服侍的心呢？首先，应当知道自己什么都不是。今天我们成为上帝的儿女完全是因为基督，而非自己的表现、成就或爱心。基督为我们及配偶付出了沉重的代价。因此，至少是出于敬重基督，当用圣灵赐予我们的无私之心服侍配偶（以弗所书 5:21）。
 
婚姻是永久的、排外的、公开的、合法的承诺，为要共同分享全部的生命。这种承诺应超越你的感觉和情绪。您的承诺、您对这关系的投入，付出的行动，以及对彼此的感情三者相互影响加强。 您将时间和精力投入到哪里，您的财富在哪里，您的心就在哪里。
 
婚姻应该优先于所有其它关系。人离开父母与妻子在婚姻里连合（以弗所书5：32-33，创世记2：24）。大多数其它社会都强调亲子关系，但在基督教中婚姻是你生活的中心。配偶之间的关系必须优先于父母、子女、朋友和事业的关系（以弗所书 5:28）。
 
个人的成长、原生家庭模式和婚前生活方式的差异，都可能导致婚姻中的误解和严重冲突。你需要深入了解你的配偶，坐下来讨论差异，然后采取改变的措施。让婚姻成为一个全新的开始; 它有能力改变你生命的轨迹，拆毁旧的你，建立新的你.
 
婚姻不是人类的发明，它的主要目的不是让您快乐。婚姻是上帝的发明，为要使您成为圣洁，无可指责（以弗所书 5:25-27）。这是最紧密的关系，因为您无法躲避自己的配偶。您不得不看见自己的错误、自私和偏见，上帝让您在婚姻中来面对它们。
 
只有圣灵里面带来的无私舍己才能维持爱。所以，在您的婚姻中，就近上帝，依靠祂。