Dating, Singleness, and Masturbation

Today, dating typically starts with outer attributes. Is that person pleasant looking, sexually attractive, doing well, or well-connected? If yes, the next steps are dating, and then caressing and sex. If that works out fine, then both parties might consider commitment.
 
But sex is a powerful force. It can muddle up our thinking. Relationships should start from friendship to see if both sides can understand, accept, appreciate, and work with each other, preferably towards common goals. Then they move on to deeper friendship, romance, and commitment, before going to sex.
 
Fulfillment in sex comes from deep physical intimacy and full commitment from both sides. So, sex and marriage should be tied.
 
Masturbation focuses on just giving ourselves satisfaction. After reaching climax, one can feel emptier and lonelier. Also, masturbation depends on fantasy and is addictive. Don’t let it control you.
 
Don’t try to know everything about the other person before committing. We are imperfect. Your relationship with your spouse depends on God, and your intent to honor Him and to honor your commitment. Also, God continues to work on us. So, don’t be too cautious. After we have spent some time with a person and we really like that person, we should trust God and commit.
 
What if we are constantly being rejected in dating? Try to identify the reasons. Ask your close friends for suggestions. Then move on and seek out other opportunities.
 
Some want to remain single. That can be a good choice. Paul recommended being single (1 Corinthians 7:1-7), and Christ was single on earth. Though God said it was good for Adam to have Eve (Genesis 2), happy marriage is difficult to have because we are imperfect. A spouse can reprogram your self-image, which could inflict damage on you.
 
So, don’t be fixated on getting married or being single. Some idolize being single because they value independence. Others treat being single as a plague. Avoid both.
 
For some, being single comes easily. That is a gift. But for most, it is better to be married.
 
Ask God for guidance, and thank God for the outcome, whether you are single or married.
 
Summarized from a Tim Keller sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource
 

 
关于约会，单身和手淫
 
如今，约会通常是从表面要求开始，比如美貌、魅力、事业或人脉。倘若满足要求，进一步的步骤便是先见见面，吃一顿饭。若是两方合得来，接着便是肌肤之亲。倘若发展得还可以的话，双方才可能思考是否许诺男女朋友关系。
 
性是一个强大的力量，可以使人的思想糊涂。关系应当从友谊开始，看是否能了解、接受、欣赏和迁就对方，更理想的就是有共同的目标，然后才发展更深厚的友谊、恋爱和承诺。性爱应该是在这之后才发生。
 
满足的性生活来自深情的身体亲密接触和双方全心全意的投入，因此性与婚姻应该联系在一起。
 
手淫只是给个人带来满足，达到高潮后您可能会感到更加空虚和孤独。手淫也依赖幻想并且容易上瘾，不要被它控制。
 
在彼此承诺之前，有些人想先了解对方的一切。需知人都是不完美的，配偶之间的关系依耐于上帝以及我们荣耀上帝并履行承诺的意愿，上帝也继续在我们身上工作。所以不要太谨慎，认识了一段时间之后如果真的很喜欢那个人，就应相信上帝并彼此承诺。
 
如果不断遭到拒绝，需要尝试找出原因。可向您的密友寻求建议，然后再接再厉，寻找其它机会。
 
有些人想保持单身，可能是一个好的选择。保罗建议单身（哥林多前书7：1-7），而且基督在世上也是单身的。尽管上帝说亚当有夏娃是一件好事（创世记2），但因为我们的不完美，所以幸福的婚姻很难拥有。配偶可能会重新改变你的自我形象，这或许会带给您损害。
 
因此，不要着迷于结婚或单身的身份。有些人因为重视独立，把单身偶像化。有些人却将单身视为瘟疫。应当避免这两种极端。
 
对于某些人来说单身是很容易的，这也是神的礼物。但对大多数人来说，结婚会是更好的选择。
 
当求上帝的引导。 无论结果是单身或结婚都应感谢上帝。