How to Resolve Conflict and Restore Relationships
A Rick Warren Sermon Summary
Conflicts are normal because we are imperfect and different, but conflicts can block our prayers (1 Peter 3:7), happiness (James 3:18), and fellowship with God (1 John 4:20).
Christ wants us to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). Peacemakers resolve conflicts not by avoiding conflict (which is cowardice) or appeasing others (which is co-dependency). Reconciliation takes precedence even over worship (Matthew 5:23-24). But how do we reconcile?
First, make the first move.
Peacemakers make peace. Reconcile quickly because conflict can’t resolve itself and putting it off worsens it.
We are afraid of rejection and being misunderstood, so we often avoid confrontation and hide (Genesis 3:10), making us distant, demanding, and defensive. Ask God for love (2 Timothy 1:7) because love can overcome our fear (1 John 4:18).
Second, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). He will teach us what to say and when to say it.
Third, begin with your fault. Conflict typically comes from our desires battling within us (James 4:1) and from pride, which leads to argument (Proverbs 13:10).
But we can choose to get along, to learn, and to be flexible. Be humble (Matthew 7:3, 5; 19:24; 23:24). We need others to identify our blind spots.
Just say, “I am sorry I am only thinking of myself.”
Fourth, seek to understand their hurt (Philippians 2:4-8) and perspective.
Argument typically happens when someone was abused or humiliated.
Listen (James 1:19), particularly to the emotion behind the words. See their perspective. Be considerate, particularly of their fears (can be irrational) and doubts (Romans 15:2).
Fifth, speak the truth tactfully, with love (Ephesians 4:15).
It is not what you say but how you say it. Being abrasive isn’t persuasive. Don’t say things designed to hurt, belittle, or insult (Colossians 3:8).
Usually, it is rude to tell it just as it is. Instead, speak the truth lovingly. Use helpful, not harmful, words (Ephesians 4:29). Speak wisely, not recklessly (Proverbs 12:18).
Sixth, attack the issues and problems, not each other.
Seventh, focus on reconciliation and accept disagreements, not requiring seeing eye-to-eye.
God has forgiven our sins and restored our relationship with Him. Now, bring people together (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). Be peacemakers.
Summary of a sermon by Rick Warren:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1udN6OShf4
Christ wants us to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). Peacemakers resolve conflicts not by avoiding conflict (which is cowardice) or appeasing others (which is co-dependency). Reconciliation takes precedence even over worship (Matthew 5:23-24). But how do we reconcile?
First, make the first move.
Peacemakers make peace. Reconcile quickly because conflict can’t resolve itself and putting it off worsens it.
We are afraid of rejection and being misunderstood, so we often avoid confrontation and hide (Genesis 3:10), making us distant, demanding, and defensive. Ask God for love (2 Timothy 1:7) because love can overcome our fear (1 John 4:18).
Second, ask God for wisdom (James 1:5). He will teach us what to say and when to say it.
Third, begin with your fault. Conflict typically comes from our desires battling within us (James 4:1) and from pride, which leads to argument (Proverbs 13:10).
But we can choose to get along, to learn, and to be flexible. Be humble (Matthew 7:3, 5; 19:24; 23:24). We need others to identify our blind spots.
Just say, “I am sorry I am only thinking of myself.”
Fourth, seek to understand their hurt (Philippians 2:4-8) and perspective.
Argument typically happens when someone was abused or humiliated.
Listen (James 1:19), particularly to the emotion behind the words. See their perspective. Be considerate, particularly of their fears (can be irrational) and doubts (Romans 15:2).
Fifth, speak the truth tactfully, with love (Ephesians 4:15).
It is not what you say but how you say it. Being abrasive isn’t persuasive. Don’t say things designed to hurt, belittle, or insult (Colossians 3:8).
Usually, it is rude to tell it just as it is. Instead, speak the truth lovingly. Use helpful, not harmful, words (Ephesians 4:29). Speak wisely, not recklessly (Proverbs 12:18).
Sixth, attack the issues and problems, not each other.
Seventh, focus on reconciliation and accept disagreements, not requiring seeing eye-to-eye.
God has forgiven our sins and restored our relationship with Him. Now, bring people together (2 Corinthians 5:18-20). Be peacemakers.
Summary of a sermon by Rick Warren:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1udN6OShf4