Cultivating a Healthy Marriage
A Tim Keller Sermon Summary
A healthy marriage needs work and regular attention to cultivate it.
Marriage should make your spouse holy through your sacrifice (Ephesians 5). Husbands and wives take on different roles. The husband humbly leads to build up his wife, while the wife plays a helper role to build up her husband. Both submit to help the other.
To help, you need to understand your spouse deeply. For example, one may want to spend time together, when the other wants to have some solitary meditation. One may vent about a boss being unreasonable and seek emotional support, while the other tries to solve the problem without empathizing.
When there are problems, focus on the problems, not the person. Step off the battlefield and objectively look at the complications. If it is a feeling issue, focus on addressing emotions more than facts.
If it’s your problem, don’t make excuses. Admit it. Offer to change after things have calmed down.
If it’s your spouse’s problem, forgive first because Christ has forgiven our mistakes. Then critique yourself and admit mistakes no matter how small they are. After that, tell the truth lovingly so your spouse can grow. Develop an environment secure for criticism.
Sex is a blessing between couples. Don’t deprive the other side of it (Proverbs 5:15-20, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). What happens in bed can affect other parts of the relationship. Sex is not a place to perform, but to love. Unlike the woman, the man is ready for sex quickly, not requiring much context. That may be why pornography can be more seductive to men. So, a husband needs to learn to be slow, while a wife needs to learn to be more responsive.
Do some spiritual things together regularly, such as praying before sleep. Emotion can start the engine, but marriage should have a deep unity, maintained by will and strengthened by habit. A healthy marriage needs to be cultivated.
May the grace of Christ be the impetus of our love. In light of what He has done for us, serve your spouse and help your spouse be a more wonderful person.
Summarized from a Tim Keller’s sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource
Marriage should make your spouse holy through your sacrifice (Ephesians 5). Husbands and wives take on different roles. The husband humbly leads to build up his wife, while the wife plays a helper role to build up her husband. Both submit to help the other.
To help, you need to understand your spouse deeply. For example, one may want to spend time together, when the other wants to have some solitary meditation. One may vent about a boss being unreasonable and seek emotional support, while the other tries to solve the problem without empathizing.
When there are problems, focus on the problems, not the person. Step off the battlefield and objectively look at the complications. If it is a feeling issue, focus on addressing emotions more than facts.
If it’s your problem, don’t make excuses. Admit it. Offer to change after things have calmed down.
If it’s your spouse’s problem, forgive first because Christ has forgiven our mistakes. Then critique yourself and admit mistakes no matter how small they are. After that, tell the truth lovingly so your spouse can grow. Develop an environment secure for criticism.
Sex is a blessing between couples. Don’t deprive the other side of it (Proverbs 5:15-20, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). What happens in bed can affect other parts of the relationship. Sex is not a place to perform, but to love. Unlike the woman, the man is ready for sex quickly, not requiring much context. That may be why pornography can be more seductive to men. So, a husband needs to learn to be slow, while a wife needs to learn to be more responsive.
Do some spiritual things together regularly, such as praying before sleep. Emotion can start the engine, but marriage should have a deep unity, maintained by will and strengthened by habit. A healthy marriage needs to be cultivated.
May the grace of Christ be the impetus of our love. In light of what He has done for us, serve your spouse and help your spouse be a more wonderful person.
Summarized from a Tim Keller’s sermon:
http://www.gospelinlife.com/free-sermon-resource